Finally figuring what out exactly? I guess you can say I finally know who I am. This may seem like a silly thing to discover at 27, but it’s true. Before now I’ve kind of just been influenced by circumstance not by what I actually wanted and desired from life. I would constantly bend to the will of others. Not because I thought they were better people. I felt I didn’t have the resources, time, or thought capacity to actually create/demand my own will. FEEL. That’s a word that can sometimes be synonymous with EXCUSE. But after a tirade of living with other people who were mostly younger than I was definitely made me learn A LOT of what I didn’t want in my life. Or just things I wanted to be a part of my life.
Storytime: I was 23 and moving into my first place (we’ve heard this one). Okay so I was moving out on my own. I was sitting in my very empty, huge apartment and I realized I had no clue what I liked. Odd right?
Fast forward and now at 27 I don’t really have that issue. It’s more so figuring out things like routines that I like. If certain music makes me feel empowered, emotional, or like praising and how that can be used to positively or negatively affect my day. It’s not leaning on every suggestion as fact in my life. My body could reject a Keto diet (mostly because I wouldn’t do a Keto diet), but it may respond to a juice cleanse. (Also not doing, but you get the point right)
This time in my life is one big AHA... I’m all the way here for it juxtaposed to the way I was living before. I would give some profound tip here like: Don’t bend to the will of others. BUT I’m not. Do whatever you want. We live in a world where everyone is trying to influence us to do one thing or another and the honest truth is we have free will. You can simultaneously be influenced by a influencer yet make your own choices or you could not.
It’s funny I came up with this title awhile ago and nearly deleted it, but I knew it would be important. If you haven’t figured anything out and you’re still searching. That’s okay too. I failed A LOT to get to this point, but even that word FAILED doesn’t make sense. I FELT like I failed, but honestly all the mess ups have given me the perspective I have today so I would call that WINNING. Not knowing is winning. Seeking the answer is winning. Messing up is winning. Wanting to be better is winning. There are so many wins in everything as long as you are working on it. In a few years I may turn to this and laugh “Wow I thought that was figuring it out? Cute.”
For today this is enough. Tomorrow who knows, something magical could happen. That’s grace. That’s finding the fruit that been sitting inside this WHOLE time. WHOLE. We are whole. Holy. Alright, alright now I’m just playing with words. They have so much power. The words I speak now are mostly the light kind. I just watched A Wrinkle In Time, a truly lovely piece of work.
My time in London is almost up, but before I go. I want to talk about how I have been spending my last few weeks in London. First, I have been finishing up classes with papers and finals. It wasn’t too painful. Not nearly as painful as next semesters load back in the states. Classes aside I have been having a blast revisiting some of my favorite places here in London and traveling to parts I haven’t seen. I made it to a comedy night in Camden town, went dancing twice at some K-pop events in London clubs, went to see some more of the countryside with our group. It has definitely been eventful.
Travel Tip: Always keep abreast of what is happening in the place you are visiting.
I’ve been blessed to find a group that I love here called Heartz which is a creative arts group that does poetry, art, music, and dance for God. It has been nice getting to know that group of people and I will miss them dearly. I even started presenting my poetry at their church it has been a enlightening experience for sure. This has revealed things more to me spiritually than I anticipated.
It has been sad to see people leave, but I am glad to have met them. This group of Vandoners (place where we lived) were a lively bunch. We have some good family dinners and smaller bonding moments. It always nice to have people going through a similar experience as you are.
Travel Tip: Whether with strangers or friends when traveling abroad attempt to befriend new people. They just might surprise you.
If you have been following my short blog here then I thank you dearly. I will probably be doing some more post before I leave. So stay tuned in!
There he goes again, surpassing expectation
Faith was gripping tight
His line of wisdom told the spirit to wait
Pacing heart stared at the gate
Excited fingers flipped through his word
This will not be stopped nor deterred
Set goal in mind
For this possibility
Prayer calls upon an angel
To deliver the message ASAP
Wouldn’t ya know he showed up and showed out
Wasn’t the original goal
But hey when is a broke soul got time to be picky
I mean really
*Things in life are never set in stone and some changes can be shocking, but is truly a blessing from God. So, do your best to be open and ready for those changes
Jump Rope Sis
Fitness. Life. Art. Travel.