Finally figuring what out exactly? I guess you can say I finally know who I am. This may seem like a silly thing to discover at 27, but it’s true. Before now I’ve kind of just been influenced by circumstance not by what I actually wanted and desired from life. I would constantly bend to the will of others. Not because I thought they were better people. I felt I didn’t have the resources, time, or thought capacity to actually create/demand my own will. FEEL. That’s a word that can sometimes be synonymous with EXCUSE. But after a tirade of living with other people who were mostly younger than I was definitely made me learn A LOT of what I didn’t want in my life. Or just things I wanted to be a part of my life.


​
Storytime: I was 23 and moving into my first place (we’ve heard this one). Okay so I was moving out on my own. I was sitting in my very empty, huge apartment and I realized I had no clue what I liked. Odd right?

Fast forward and now at 27 I don’t really have that issue. It’s more so figuring out things like routines that I like. If certain music makes me feel empowered, emotional, or like praising and how that can be used to positively or negatively affect my day. It’s not leaning on every suggestion as fact in my life. My body could reject a Keto diet (mostly because I wouldn’t do a Keto diet), but it may respond to a juice cleanse. (Also not doing, but you get the point right)

This time in my life is one big AHA... I’m all the way here for it juxtaposed to the way I was living before. I would give some profound tip here like: Don’t bend to the will of others. BUT I’m not. Do whatever you want. We live in a world where everyone is trying to influence us to do one thing or another and the honest truth is we have free will. You can simultaneously be influenced by a influencer yet make your own choices or you could not.

It’s funny I came up with this title awhile ago and nearly deleted it, but I knew it would be important. If you haven’t figured anything out and you’re still searching. That’s okay too. I failed A LOT to get to this point, but even that word FAILED doesn’t make sense. I FELT like I failed, but honestly all the mess ups have given me the perspective I have today so I would call that WINNING. Not knowing is winning. Seeking the answer is winning. Messing up is winning. Wanting to be better is winning. There are so many wins in everything as long as you are working on it. In a few years I may turn to this and laugh “Wow I thought that was figuring it out? Cute.”

For today this is enough. Tomorrow who knows, something magical could happen. That’s grace. That’s finding the fruit that been sitting inside this WHOLE time. WHOLE. We are whole. Holy. Alright, alright now I’m just playing with words. They have so much power. The words I speak now are mostly the light kind. I just watched A Wrinkle In Time, a truly lovely piece of work.

​Laters!

Check in time! How have I been doing on my weight loss journey? TBH, I have no clue ya'll lol! I mean I know what the scale says. And it tis different, but I don't know what my beginning inches were and all that. So.... That being said I am going to take my measurements down and keep track of my weight to see more concentrated results.

I got hit during my bible time with 1 Timothy 4:8 this year. ​

"Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come."

Meaning that no matter what I do to workout means nothing if my spirit isn't right.

I can say that I am consistently working out now. Being the most active I've ever been in 5 years. I do have more goals for myself as as far as getting in the gym more often, but the important this is I AM GOING at least twice a week if not more. Sometimes this includes me busting out some moves at home. AND I AM SEEING A DIFFERENCE. In my body. In my mind. I feel better. People are starting to notice the difference. It is uplifting to me when someone sees that time you really didn't want to go to the gym, but you actually went so they compliment you. 

It makes me want to shed a thug tear. I used to NEVER take full body pics unless they were well crafted. If you read my last post on Fitness, I'm not new to this. I'm taking the time to get to know my spirit, ignoring my flesh, and protecting my soul. What it responds to and what it won't acknowledge.

I just bought a new scale that came with a measuring tape so I'll be able to keep track now.

GW: 190
SW: 300
​CW: 279.2