I don my flower crown and my pants suit, lace my converse and apply a bold lip. I have never felt more at home in this body than this year.
I don't talk much about identity, sexuality, and all that. For the most part it's because I was raised with a black lesbian mom who was raised in the deep south during the 50's and 60's. My mom would casually hint at things during my teen years to see the temperature of how I felt about women. I tested the waters in my later teen years to see how I felt about women. The answer was always more complicated than just I don't like girls. I actually like girls, I think they're pretty, boobs are nice, and my nurturing nature believes in protecting women. Sexually though, I'm not there. More on the sex bit later.
There's more to it though. I love people. All people. I've been attracted to a lot of different identifying people over the years and I wondered if it conflicted with my Christianity. The truth is, it doesn't. I'm just open. When I allow myself free agency to explore my heart I find that I'm not that uptight about who I could love or how I could love them. For the most part this isn't physical. I'm not a physical being LIKE THAT. When I say like that I just mean I don't hold physical intimacies close to my heart in any form or fashion. I think people jump there waaay too soon. I relish connection and conversation. My love language is quality time. This also mean that my attraction doesn't come from all the peacock things people do to attract people. Mine comes in subtle ways. This is probably why I could form a attraction to someone and they not even know it.
I don't hold sex to some high esteem, but I do know I used to be savage. I disconnected sexual acts from my heart. My own toxicity that I had to erase from my brain. Occasionally, I have to remind myself to not go back there, though it is tempting. When it comes to sexual attraction I have my preference and that is pretty on par with heterosexuality. I'm more focused on having a partner than I am bedroom activities if you know what I mean. *wink, wink*
Overall, I too am black, queer, and here. I kick down the norm. I've been told by countless men who struggled with their own masculinity that I "look" like a lesbian or am I sure I'm not into women. -_- Sir please take your insecurities to therapy not me. Now I know there are plenty of men who view my brand of woman just as I do. Sexy, confident, smart, cool, and goofy. Some days I sport a Stem persona more than a femme persona. On a really good day my stud comes out. If you read all of this and you're still trying to figure out what label of queer I am. I'm pansexual. Just take people and my attraction and flip than skillet with some olive oil. That's all, that's it.
Jump Rope Sis
Fitness. Life. Art. Travel.