I've been the queen of saying I'm not waiting. Nope. Because everyone I was around that was waiting was popping up with kids and broken hearts. That just didn't appeal to me. I didn't want to unnecessarily pressure myself only to disappoint me. All I did say is that I'll wait till I'm committed to someone. Yea... Still waiting on that LOL. Now before I picked up this book "The Wait: " I had decided to be celibate. To cut out the unhealthy things in my life. Soda, men, drinking, cheese, being a bed potato, and I decided I was going to wait.
Not just wait for sex. I was going to wait in all areas of my life. Which is what this book "The Wait: A Powerful Practice of Finding The Love of Your Life and the Life that you Love" is allll about. Now I'm not done with the book. I'm still making my way through it, but so far it's not just been about sex. Though the book and I have to admit that if you can be celibate with sex everything else falls into place.
I keep talking about taking away things, but I've forgotten to mention the additions. I've had more time to read, create, cook, exercise, and write. I just wasn't doing these things with any real commitment before. I was afraid to commit to my personal goals in case I failed. Yet I would bend over backwards for my career. What would happen if I did this for myself? For my faith? Now I make sure to spend time in the word, to pray, to praise, and to attend church regularly as well. I can't say that it's all fun. Some days I want fast food, to not do anything, and to just jump... actually I don't want this last one. To be perfectly honest I expect more. More out of God and out of myself. Being unhealthy wasn't good for me. Dating with no real intention wasn't working. I'm a hopeless romantic that was a commitment phobe.
Waiting is me being patient with myself. Not rushing towards some reward that I haven't taken the time to earn. I started in the simplest way I knew how. Locs. For years I was afraid to commit because of the "what ifs?" So I stepped out in faith. Now I'm almost at the two year mark and loving them. I'm doing all of the things I love to do without the mess. With real commitment born out of choice not circumstance. I'm not doing all of this for some magical man to appear just to be clear. If at the end of the day the love of my life turns out to be me I'm cool with that. However, I am believing in a different future that does include a wonderful man and beautiful family to love that is destined for me. I am NOT rushing it though.
In the meantime I get to work on myself. To be focused on my path. So yup, I'm waiting... till marriage. I'm working on discipline (my word for the year) in the meantime. I don't really get much grief about it except from men who can't commit to a deodorant let alone a woman. I don't even date right now. I'm just not interested in wasting time. I don't play when it comes to my art, my career, or my faith so why would I with my heart?
One thing I know for sure is that no one can choose the wait for you. Decide for yourself. I'm glad I didn't jump with the crowd cause I did actually abstain for a long time. But choosing to be celibate is different altogether. Now if you're lucky not to have to wait anymore still look at other areas to see if you might need to wait on some things. Celibacy isn't just sex. It's a choice.
Jump Rope Sis
Fitness. Life. Art. Travel.